On turning 20: Moving past my teens

I turned 20 last week and officially moved past my teenage years. Like some, I’ve felt overwhelmed at the prospect of being in my twenties and moving into adulthood. I had a slight panic at the prospect of leaving my teens behind, and was comforted by my indulgent friends as I somewhat melodramatically played the song ; ‘Not nineteen forever’, explaining see, you’re not nineteen forever. But there are others who are ready for this shift, ready to say goodbye to the terrible teens.

This was a similar feeling to when I turned 18 and was able to drink legally for the first time. Yet not much changed, and I was left thinking that was old. Then I went to uni and suddenly being 18 felt like being an 11 year old moving into secondary school, out of depth in a new environment where everyone felt sure of themselves. When 19 came around I felt more settled within this new place and comfortable with this added cushioning between my twenties and my teens, a consolation prize for being an adult.

Now I’m 20, I find myself thinking of all the things this means for me in this next decade; graduations, first jobs, leaving behind new friends, starting over again- and again. This fills me with a mixture of fear and excitement, a small part of me wants to go back to my teenage years, when my future was still more of a tangible concept. But a larger part is excited to move into this next decade, taking every opportunity that comes my way, experiencing everything I can and travelling as much as possible.

However, I think the slight fear that hits some people about entering this new decade is all the expectations that come with it. A time that, when we were younger, felt like the beginning of everything, asking each other; what do you want to be when your older?

There can be such an emphasis on figuring out what we want to be and do with our lives soon, getting asked the question by well meaning relatives and friends, or even being the one asking the question yourself ; what do you want to do after you graduate? With people working well into their 60s now we will be spending much of our lives working, there is no immediate pressure to know what it is we want to do now.

I think entering your twenties is surrendering to hope; hope that things will work out, that you’ll get that job you want, you’ll live in that place you’ve always dreamed of, you’ll find the person you love. It’s okay at the moment to have absolutely nothing figured out, (at least that’s what I’m telling myself) somewhere along the way it’ll probably all come together.

But, with these fears there is so much to look forward to. Already many of us have moved to a new city that now feels like home, studying subjects that we are passionate about and developing friendships without the context of childhood and years of history together. All these things are milestones of adulting, and are only hints towards what more there is to come.

I’ve also learnt so much practical stuff in my early adulthood; how to make my own appointments, contacting landlords when even more things in the house decide to stop working, cooking my own meals and budgeting. Inside I may still feel like an unknowing teenager but bit by bit I’m entering the adult world and developing skills for my life.

Songs, Shows, Movies and Books about being in your twenties:

• Friends
• Everything I know about love- Dolly Alderton
• The 1- Taylor Swift
• Normal People
• Any Mary Oliver poetry
• One Day– David Nicholls
• Heroes- David Bowie
• Vienna- Billy Joel
• Anything Could Happen- Ellie Goulding
• We are Young- fun.
• In my life- Beatles
• Gilmore Girls
• New Girl
• 22- Taylor Swift
• The Midnight Library– Matt Haig

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